I have a client whose last name is Bond. Every time he calls me, I say “Good evening, Mr.Bond” in an evil villain voice. He must hate me. PGP.

Going to the bathroom out of sheer boredom. PGP.

How does one get into white collar crime? PGP.

Yesterday was my boss’s birthday and we ate at a Brazilian steakhouse on the company card. Today was my birthday and I ate a Wendy’s baconator alone in my car. PGP.

I always wondered why people voluntarily stay late at work, then my girlfriend moved in with me. PGP.

Wearing athletic shorts while eating an entire pizza. PGP.

A coworker asked if I have any kids. I said, “Man, I hope not.” They did not find it amusing. PGP.

Ugh. PGP.

I should probably start giving a shit. PGP.

Just flirted with a sorority girl for two minutes and thought, “I still got it.” PGP.