It’s not a question of whether or not I’ll have drinks after work, it’s how many. PGP.

My parents are planning a family vacation without me. PGP.

I should probably start giving a shit. PGP.

Labor Day can’t come soon enough. PGP.

Crying at the end of “Animal House.” PGP.

Too slutty to work at Hobby Lobby. PGP.

Can’t tell if Tinder is broken or if no women within a 10 mile radius are interested in having sex with me. PGP.

I shit more in one day than I did a week in college. PGP.

Working for a company that doesn’t have “summer Fridays.” PGP.