It’s 12:42 am, I wake up in 6 hours to get ready for work. I am unsure of whether or not I’m in good enough shape to masturbate enjoyably right now. PGP

I woke up feeling hungover and haven’t drank in 4 days

My friends asked me to go with them to the midnight screening of the new Captain America movie, told them it was too late. PGP.

May the 4th be with you PGP

Just found out the company is sending me on a trip over Memorial Day weekend to a dry county.

Really not knowing how to socialize with babies and always ending up being the weird one petting their heads

“My youngest son is right around your age”. PGP

Went paintballing this weekend, no one in the office believes that the bruise on my neck isn’t a hickey. PGP.

Half the city is under water, still got chewed out for being 15 minutes late. PGP.

Looks like someone got some sun this weekend.PGP