“Hey I have to drop off this call to run to another meeting.” *Sprints to the bathroom before defecating everywhere* PGP.

Following the demise of Johnny D from IL to TX. PGP.

Matched with the new girl on Bumble, and she never messaged me. Now every interaction is awkward. PGP.

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That’s why I poop on company time. PGPowerMove.

These posts are becoming increasingly more accurate. PGP.

All of the new hires come to me with questions they don’t want to ask the boss. I don’t know the answers either. PGP.

My dog is so afraid of fireworks that he breaks open my bedroom door, jumps on the bed, and pees through my comforter. PGP.

Quit my job for a better one. Got a severance package. PGPowermove.

Just got a Facebook friend request for the first time in forever. It’s a girl from my high school class who unfriended me a couple years ago. PGP.