Praying that my tax return will be enough to knock out a nice chunk of my credit card debt. PGP.

Someone in HR overheard me telling the interns an embellished sex story from college. Strike one. PGP.

There are two types of people in my office: people with hobbies and people with kids. I have neither. PGP.

Seriously, fuck Steve. PGP.

1: “How’d you meet your wife?” 2: “Tinder.” PGP.

I only check my 401k to remind myself that I actually have assets somewhere in this world. PGP.