The last two girls I have been with have gotten engaged to the guy after me. PGP.

Just got a text from the office manager saying we are opening the office late due to the snow. I was already here. PGP.

I feel hungover every morning. I drink heavily about twice a week. PGP

I officially have life insurance. PGP

Forget the freshman fifteen, the cubicle fifteen is real. PGP.

Called into a 150+ person conference call and spent the first 20 minutes listening to them take roll. PGP.

Quickest Alt+Tab reflexes West of the Mississippi. PGP.

Researching a company on LinkedIn and being distracted by profiles of the hot girls in their marketing dept.

I can recognize cars I’ve seen before by their license plates on my commute. PGP.

Promoted to a bigger office. Computer screen now faces the door. PGP.