Talking about corporate the way I used to talk about Nationals in college. PGP.

My boss demanded that I have a project on his desk by 7:30 this morning, so I got here hours early to finish it. He just emailed us saying he’s taking the day off. PGP.

CEO just bought a private jet, which explains why I didn’t get a raise. PGP.

The flash of panic you get when settling into your favorite stall only to realize your phone is still on your desk. PGP.

On my way back from lunch today, I told myself out loud that “Everything’s going to be okay.” PGP.

Was just endorsed on LinkedIn for customer satisfaction by the girl I’ve been hooking up with. PGP.

I feel congratulations are in order. Our warehouse has officially gone eleven days without a stabbing incident. PGP.

I’m starting to wish I was as successful, hardworking, and great as my cover letters say I am. PGP.

Sitting in your cubicle, questioning why you didn’t get piss ass drunk on more random Tuesdays in college. PGP.

Accidentally dialing 9 before making a call on your cell phone. PGP.