Happy Hour is no longer an option. It’s a necessity. PGP.

I need to get new friends, but I won’t. PGP.

A girl from Tinder just found me on LinkedIn. PGP.

I’m still hourly. PGP.

My company’s life insurance policy makes me worth more dead than alive. PGP.

My only active group text message is with my parents. PGP.

The only email I sent today was to a coworker, regarding a fantasy football trade. PGP.

The guy next to me eats 8-10 popsicles a day. PGP.

Bringing your lunch to work so you can afford to drink after. PGP.

Can we all just agree that the international sign for “Leave me alone” is eating lunch at your desk? PGP.