Bought a steamer to save on dry cleaning. I’m way to lazy to use it. Pgp.

The “I don’t drink during the week” prick. PGP.

I hate everyone I work with. PGP.

Just found out the girl I’ve been texting has a 6 year old. PGP.

I jaywalked this morning just to feel alive

“I think I’m gonna make the switch from coffee to tea.” PGP

I’m experimenting with new ironing techniques. PGP

I’m the only one in the office who can fix the copier when it jams. That’s real job security.

I haven’t had a tinder match in weeks. PGP

Do you have any tums? PGP.