Forgot to put on deodorant this morning. Had to train a hot new intern. She was repulsed by me. PGP.

My manager saw me wearing aviators and now everytime I call him he answers with, “Talk to me Goose.” PGP.

The circular reasoning of, “I don’t go out because I don’t have any friends,” and, “I don’t have any friends because I don’t go out.” PGP.

I brought donuts to the office today. My boss told everyone it was him. PGP.

My life is one part “The Office,” two parts “Office Space,” zero parts funny. PGP.

My only Tinder match in the past week ended up blocking me. I didn’t even say hi. PGP.