Not needing to prioritize food before women because you’re too poor to afford a date, but just “rich” enough to buy a nice frozen pizza. PGP.

Everyone is working from home today. I didn’t get the memo. PGP.

The only matches I get on Tinder these days are hooker spam bots. PGP.

Had a dream I was fired and got a huge severance package. Best dream ever. PGP.

“You really need to stop treating the intern like he is a pledge from your fraternity days”-My boss. PGP.

Telling your buddies, “I had to get the Feds off my back” after making a student loan payment. PGP.

I always wondered why people voluntarily stay late at work, then my girlfriend moved in with me. PGP.

I’d rather be the worst player on the PGA tour every week, than the best employee in my department. PGP.