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- All Hawaiian shirts, all the time.
- “Thank you for your message. I am currently out of the office with limited or no access to email, but definite access to Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. If you need further assistance, too bad.”
- Refuse to wear clothes whenever you’re inside your room.
- When it comes to breakfast, go buffet or go home.
- Say “My driver will handle everything, thanks,” when the valet welcomes you to the hotel as you get out of the cab.
- Demand an upgrade for everything. Rental car, hotel room, sushi. Everything.
- DO NOT take surfing lessons.
- DO rent a jet ski.
- SPF 4 on the first day. Bain de Soleil on the rest of them.
- 151 floaters on everything.
- Go boat shopping.
- Charter a deep sea fishing cruise. Once at sea, tell the captain that you’ll “take it from here.”
- Alcohol with every meal.
- Find the best reuben in town and then tell people about it like you’ve been eating it for years.
- Loudly explain your job to anyone who will listen.
- Ask the concierge where the nearest ultra lounge is.
- Play in a pickup game of beach football. Only run fly routes.
- Don’t talk about money. Talk about miles.
- Swan dive into the pool and backstroke leisurely.
- Three tans: watch, thigh, croakies.
- Tell your family to leave you alone.
They could not have picked a better picture for this article.
Telling the escorts you start at 500 and go from there.
Did a legitimate spit take when I got to #11.
You could have stopped at #1
#YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiinShirts
Only run fly routes… I laughed out loud at my desk on this one.
Better yet, when you’re running those fly routes — throw that little hand up like “I’m open, bro”
This was your best power moves since the originals. 151 floaters on everything.
As always, pure gold Mcgannon.
I’d add an addendum to the only fly routes rule. If you go 2 consecutive plays without a target pull a Keysawn and start telling “Gimme the damn ball!!!”
The out-of-office: “I’m on vacation, fuck off”
22. Say “My driver will handle everything, thanks,” when the caddie tries to recommend a shot on the course.
No.