The USMNT waiting to play until happy hour on Monday. PGP.

My life is one part “The Office,” two parts “Office Space,” zero parts funny. PGP.

I got a job in my college town. So now when I’m out, I’m referred to as “that old guy.” PGP.

My only Tinder match in the past week ended up blocking me. I didn’t even say hi. PGP.

It used to be “No new friends” because I didn’t want any. Now it’s “no new friends” because I can’t make any. PGP.

I miss being able to relate to TFM. PGP.

1: “Hey, man, how’s it going?” 2: “Eh, depends on how you look at it.” PGP.

The not so very subtle fist pump when the handicap stall in the bathroom is vacant. PGP.

“What the fuck are we supposed to be doing?” PGP.

The first word out of my mouth every day is “fuuuuuuck.” PGP.