When my parents asked me what I wanted for my birthday this year, I asked for a sonicare toothbrush. PGP.

Labor Day can’t come soon enough. PGP.

Crying at the end of “Animal House.” PGP.

Can’t tell if Tinder is broken or if no women within a 10 mile radius are interested in having sex with me. PGP.

The sense of impending doom that is returning to work after a holiday weekend. PGP.

Today my coworker told me I looked rough. I thought I looked nice today. PGP.

My coworkers always think I’m hungover when I’m really just tired. I wish I was as cool as they think. PGP.

My boss made a “You’ve been working very hard. Why don’t you take Friday off?” joke just now. I’ve been so out of it that I didn’t realize we already had it off. PGP.

At work on my birthday. PGP.

Going into empty conference rooms to rip farts. PGP.