People in the office have already started talking about the Halloween costume contest. That’s all they have to live for. PGP.

People thinking you’re telling a joke when you tell them your salary. PGP.

Trading in the beer shits for the coffee ones. PGP.

My parents inviting me over for a week while they are on vacation. I found a note on when to feed the dog. PGP.

The need to scrub the bar stamp off my hand was my only motivation for getting in the shower this morning. PGP.

“Oh, I have a grandson your age.” PGP.

Fighting the urge to pretend I’m on Shark Tank and typing “for that reason, I’m out” in work emails. PGP.

Let’s just see who pops up on Match.com in the $150k+ income bracket. PGP.

Considering rubbing one out in the office bathroom just to pass the time. PGP.

The two pregnant women in the office are skinnier than me. PGP.