Anyone that signs their emails with “Cheers” can go to hell. PGP.

“Crushing spreadsheets” is actually a term I catch myself using often. PGP.

I am visibly ill. My boss has yet to tell me to go home. PGP.

Too poor too buy my own lunch. Too fat to eat the pizza my boss bought. PGP.

Having your hair color described as salt and pepper. At age 27. PGP.

Found out at homecoming I can still drink like I did in college. The hangover lasted till Wednesday. PGP.

I am sore from my flu shot. PGP.

My parents are making me stay home this year for Halloween and hand out candy so they can go out with their friends. PGP.

Hawaiian shirt day at the office. Not even Steve can ruin this for me today. PGP.

At this point, I could consider myself a born again virgin. PGP.