Too young to know better. Old enough to have to give a damn. PGP.

Celebrating with a new pair of shoes after a successful week of dieting. Now I can’t afford groceries next week, and the cycle continues.

Hearing friends’ salaries and knowing I picked the wrong major. PGP.

The last time the World Cup was on I was drunk in college. Now, I’m hungover in a cubicle. PGP.

The not so very subtle fist pump when the handicap stall in the bathroom is vacant. PGP.

Every day at work, I park under an old tree in the hopes that it will fall and I can then collect the insurance money on my totaled car. PGP.

I have more in common with my boss’s kids than my boss. PGP.

1: “Hey, happy birthday, man.” 2: “Please don’t tell anyone.”

My boss’s coffee is as black as her soul. PGP.

One 5-hour Energy away from a heart attack. PGP.