“You really need to stop treating the intern like he is a pledge from your fraternity days”-My boss. PGP.

I have a client whose last name is Bond. Every time he calls me, I say “Good evening, Mr.Bond” in an evil villain voice. He must hate me. PGP.

Brooks Brothers taste on a JoS. A. Bank budget. PGP.

Telling your buddies, “I had to get the Feds off my back” after making a student loan payment. PGP.

I already know what my girlfriend is making me do on Valentine’s Day next year. PGP.

My parents bought a bar. They still charge me for drinks. PGP.

The overly aggressive automatic flusher just sprayed shit all over my clothes. PGP.

Really wishing I could ctrl+z in real life situations. PGP.

Boss had me chauffeur him to a job site to avoid parking. Got an hour long nap out of the deal. PGP.

Can’t Snap my deuces to friends because of the office’s automatic thrones. PGP.