My mind is so far away from work that I’m bordering on an out-of-body experience. PGP.

My coworkers put a fart machine in my office and then sent the hot intern in to see me for April Fools’ Day. PGP.

Your doctor reminding you that not every pizza is a personal pizza. PGP.

Turning down.

Handing in your two week notice as an April Fools’ joke and then actually quitting when you realize how good it feels. PGP.

I flirted with a 48-year-old divorcee today. PGP.

I literally do not know how to ask for days off.

Asked a coworker how his weekend was: “Still single. Still poor.” PGP.

Sizing up your boss in meetings, wondering if you could take him in a fight.