Finally understanding the real meaning of “everybody’s working for the weekend”

The words “Spring Break” no longer excite me. Now they just make me dread the possibility of having a daughter. #PGP

Oil change, haircut, or Chipotle. Pick two. PGP.

This coffee taste like tears and lost dreams.

I’m even on a dry-streak for Tinder matches. #PGP

Going from getting pretty girls drunk to drinking ugly girls pretty. PGP.

Seeing a cute girl at the gym and pretending to finish a set using the 90 lb free weights.

After my bossed finished his 5 minute discussion on equity carve-outs with me, he then reached his hand under the stall and asked to borrow some toilet paper. PGP.

The guy two cubes over that answers his phone with “Domino’s Pizza”, and laughs hysterically like it’s the first time he said it.