Calling a girl “sweetheart” used to earn a trip back to her dorm, now it earns a trip to HR PGP.

I keep calling my desk phone from my cell phone to make it sound like im busy PGP.

My boss quotes himself in his email signature

Your depression falling to an all-time low as your news feed fills up with spring break photos.

My girlfriend gave up sex for lent.

Packing a lunch and then eating it alone in your car. PGP

The Yellow King’s girlfriend complaining about not having sex in three weeks.

Looking forward to a television show more than anything else on the weekend. PGP.

I would still rather be a Pokémon Master than whatever it is I’m doing with my life.