Putting my family group text on ‘do not disturb.’ PGP.

Had to ask my neighbors to keep it down last night. PGP

Now that we’re married, my wife nonchalantly talks about how hot other guys are. PGP.

“No rush, but I need this done ASAP.” PGP.

Boss wants me to lead 8 a.m. meeting. I just got back from vacation. PGP.

Girlfriend cheated. It was with the bartender at my go-to spot. PGP.

Too broke to change my Brita filter so I guess I’ll just keep drinking Miller Lite. PGP.

“Too young to live like I’m over the hill. And too old to be wild and free.” PGP.

My new boss says “pacifically” instead of “specifically.” PGP.

8 a.m. and I’ve already told people to “fuck off” under my breath three times. PGP.