IT made me trade in my work iPhone for an Android. I don’t know how to use it. PGP.

My company not having its shit together is the only thing keeping me from being fired. PGP.

1: “Did you already eat lunch?” 2: “Yeah.” 1: “Do you want to go to Chili’s anyway?” 2: “Yeah.” PGP.

My New Year’s Resolution is to stop treating my body like a garbage disposal. PGP.

Cousin Eddie being unemployed for seven years because he’s holding out for a management position. PGP.

Between email, phone and in person, I’ve used the same ‘Enjoy the Holidays’ salutation nearly 50 times today. PGP.

Not needing an alarm clock. PGP.

Naively thinking that college was the end of all-nighters. PGP.

Our boss must celebrate Festivus, because he definitely just led an Airing of Grievances. PGP.

Someone brought a baby to my friend’s Christmas party. PGP.