My parents got me a self help book for my birthday. PGP.

Getting hit on by a cougar and iced out by someone your age. PGP.

Immediately regretting giving yourself that deadline. PGP.

Everyone in the office has been losing their shit over how awesome the newly installed Dyson Blade hand-dryers are. PGP.

Not calling ahead to your lunch place just to spend more time waiting for it. PGP.

My boss made a “You’ve been working very hard. Why don’t you take Friday off?” joke just now. I’ve been so out of it that I didn’t realize we already had it off. PGP.

At work on my birthday. PGP.

The only hanging out I do anymore is via Google. PGP.

My boss says, “See you tomorrow?” instead of “See you tomorrow.” PGP.

Fighting the urge to respond, “Yeah, no shit” when your superior ends a conversation with “This is serious.” PGP.