Having to choose between 20 minutes more sleep or rubbing one out before work. PGP.

Too old to have roommates. Too poor to live alone. PGP.

I actually have a lot of responsibility and very little oversight at my job. It’s terrifying. PGP.

Bank info was stolen, but none of the fraudulent charges went through because I don’t have enough money to afford the things they tried to buy. PGP.

“You really need to stop treating the intern like he is a pledge from your fraternity days”-My boss. PGP.

I have a client whose last name is Bond. Every time he calls me, I say “Good evening, Mr.Bond” in an evil villain voice. He must hate me. PGP.

Going to the bathroom out of sheer boredom. PGP.

How does one get into white collar crime? PGP.

Yesterday was my boss’s birthday and we ate at a Brazilian steakhouse on the company card. Today was my birthday and I ate a Wendy’s baconator alone in my car. PGP.

I always wondered why people voluntarily stay late at work, then my girlfriend moved in with me. PGP.