I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, assuming I die by Monday. PGP.

My little brother just graduated law school in the top five percent of his class. My dog got kicked out of obedience school. PGP.

25% battery by 2pm. PGP.

Realizing that everyone has a bachelor’s degree and your time and money spent in college made you average. PGP.

1/4-zip fleece game on point. PGP.

There are two types of people in my office: people with hobbies and people with kids. I have neither. PGP.

Got caught Tindering during a meeting. I then had to explain to several of my managers what Tinder was. I can’t tell if they are disgusted or sorry for me. PGP.

The president of my company admitted that I was underpaid, and then proceeded to not give me a raise. PGP.

Rookie mistakes. Veteran consequences. PGP.

My girlfriend and I just moved in together and now she farts in front of me. PGP.