Went paintballing this weekend, no one in the office believes that the bruise on my neck isn’t a hickey. PGP.

Looks like someone got some sun this weekend.PGP

My office phone just rang for the first time since I started working two months ago. The lady on the other end had the wrong extension and I had no idea how or where to forward her call and the entire experience was terrifying. PGP

Every time someone at work tells me a story, I want to just “honestly, I don’t give a fuck.”

I put in maybe 3 hours of real work everyday. During my 3 month review, my manager described me as “professional, attentive, and a quick worker.” PGPM?

The daily struggle between drinking or losing weight

Accidentally referred to myself as an alcoholic instead of a workaholic in a phone interview. At least I told the truth. PGP.

Accidentally got my work wife fired. PGP

I’m the only person on my team without a marriage, house, or kids. PGP.

“I’m not sure what your question is.” PGP.