My life is a series of awkward moments sprinkled with incompetence and debauchery. PGP.

Being in charge of a project budget that is 25 times greater than your personal budget. PGP.

I brought in a box of donuts this morning and watched three people’s New Year’s resolutions crumble to pieces. PGPM.

My belt is becoming more of an accessory and less of a necessity. PGP.

My company not having its shit together is the only thing keeping me from being fired. PGP.

NYE hangover: day two. PGP.

I haven’t gotten a work email in two weeks. PGP.

My New Year’s resolution is the same as it was sophomore year in college: To stop pissing myself while blacked out. PGP.

There’s someone in this city that wants to have sex with me, right? RIGHT?! PGP.

Kyle Orton just retired at half the age I hope to retire. PGP.