Office was broken into over the weekend. They raided the fridge and stabbed the Coke machine with a butcher knife. PGP.

“Oh you already took the Bar! How do you feel about it?” PGP.

My girlfriend is taking fifth year. I’m not. PGP.

Tore my best slacks power-sliding to AC/DC at a wedding reception. To the tailor’s by 8 a.m. Monday. PGP.

Last week at the current job. Snapchat, Instagram, Netflix, repeat. PGP.

I’m not allowed to wear headphones at work. PGP.

“We’ve reviewed your application and…” No, you haven’t. PGP.

My rival at the company gym is twice my age. PGP.

Everyone in my department calls me “kid” and I’m 27. PGP.

Never in my life needed TUMS until today. PGP.