Our VP of Marketing is wearing Target sandals at Happy Hour. Here I am thinking a promotion would mean nicer things. PGP.

Knocking on the doorframe because the door is open. PGP.

When mowing the lawn becomes your workout. PGP.

My manager saw me wearing aviators and now everytime I call him he answers with, “Talk to me Goose.” PGP.

Never being able to find the secret bathroom everyone talks about. PGP.

When did that fat roll get here? PGP.

The only text you get all day is from your FitBit telling you you’ve done zero minutes of physical activity today. PGP.

I’ve been asked if I’m “having fun yet” three times today by the same person. PGP.

Having to scour WeightWatchers.com to find the (apparently) mysterious number of points a decent beer will cost me. I just want to drink a damn beer. PGP.