Coworkers asked if I was even alive during the OJ trial. I defensively replied that I was 4. PGP.

I like to live life on the edge in that sometimes I go grocery shopping without a list. PGP.

Now I know what my parents were talking about. PGP.

Submitting the same rejected PGP wall post three times because you know most sales occur on the third call. PGP.

Dropped my work iPhone on my personal iPhone. I now have two broken iPhones. PGP.

My Pandora has played nothing but songs about quitting your job to move to the beach. PGP.

I brought donuts to the office today. My boss told everyone it was him. PGP.

My life is one part “The Office,” two parts “Office Space,” zero parts funny. PGP.

It used to be “No new friends” because I didn’t want any. Now it’s “no new friends” because I can’t make any. PGP.

Everyone at the company baseball game bought beer. I bought Dippin Dots. PGP.