Pretty sure the homeless man selling newspapers outside my building works harder than I do on a daily basis. PGP.

The only text I received today was from Papa John’s. PGP.

Two years ago I was an eager college senior who couldn’t wait to graduate and take the world by storm. Today, I wish I could travel through time and punch that eager moron in the face. PGP.

“So no one told you life was gonna be this way. Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A. It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear. When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.” PGP.

I would put pine tar on my neck if it got get me kicked out of work for the day. PGP.

This is my coffee mug. There are many like it, but this one is mine. PGP.

Finishing your work well in advance of when it’s due, but only handing it in slightly early to avoid being given more work. PGP.

1: “Going to decorate your cube?” 2: “Someday. With my brain splatter.” PGP.

Someone turned off the light when I was still in the bathroom, and I didn’t say anything just so I could have some time alone. PGP.