Wearing athletic shorts while eating an entire pizza. PGP.

I’ve eaten so much chicken that I can’t take it anymore. PGP.

When your app crashes, it’s God’s way of saying “You’ve been pooping long enough.” PGP.

My manager cut a hole in my cubicle wall so he could have “better lines of communication.” PGP.

I watched old ’90s porn last night. The set had nicer furniture than my office does. PGP.

A coworker asked if I have any kids. I said, “Man, I hope not.” They did not find it amusing. PGP.

The Tesla Model III sounds awesome and everything, but I doubt I’ll have $35,000 by 2017. PGP.

There’s no way anyone at work could confirm or deny that I was here today. Why am I here? PGP.

Summer needs to end so I can go to bed in the dark. PGP.

Wishing you received more emails just to have a sense of purpose. PGP.