“Welcome to the team!” being the words that start the rest of your miserable life. PGP.

I’m not too proud of the noise that just came out of my mouth because of the mouse that scurried by my desk. PGP.

Fresh skid marks in my favorite bathroom stall. Day ruined. PGP.

People my age are buying houses, and I’m still trying to budget out groceries. PGP.

Got a flat tire after work. Didn’t tell anyone, but took a picture to use as an excuse if I’m ever late. PGP.

My LinkedIn account says I’m an All-Star, but my bank account says otherwise. PGP.

This guy I work with walks by my desk every day at 4 to get his mail, signifying there’s an hour left in the workday. We have never spoken or exchanged a glance. He is hands down my favorite coworker. PGP.

I imagine some master alarm sounding in the IT room with flashing red lights every time I attempt to access a blocked site. PGP.

Contemplating getting into a car crash on purpose so you have a valid excuse to miss work. PGP.