Conversations with mom used to be short because I didn’t want her to know the extent of my partying. Now I just have nothing going on. PGP.

Morning: “I will never drink on a work night again.” 5 PM: “Who’s down to do happy hour?” PGP.

Drinking responsibly just isn’t as fun. PGP.

Made lunch today and gave myself food poisoning. PGP.

Being jealous of your cat every morning you leave for work. PGP.

My boss followed me into the bathroom this morning, then stood outside the stall door and tried to have a conversation with me. PGP.

You can tell a lot about someone by how they handle a double-booked conference room. PGP.

I’ve done about 30 minutes of actual work this week, and I’m upset that I’ve even done that much. PGP.

The only thing I have in common with most of my coworkers is that the same person writes our checks. PGP.

The janitor and I both stare out the window wistfully. I assume we’re both thinking that the third floor just isn’t quite high enough. PGP.