This is my coffee mug. There are many like it, but this one is mine. PGP.

Your boss saying, “We’ll see,” meaning the same thing it did when your parents said it twenty years ago. PGP.

1: “Going to decorate your cube?” 2: “Someday. With my brain splatter.” PGP.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning, look at myself in the mirror and say, “As little as possible.” PGP.

I feel like I’m Leonardo DiCaprio from Catch Me If You Can. Every day I go to my new job, dressing and acting like I belong, and wondering when they’ll figure out I don’t know shit. PGP.

Some mornings I just want to build a fort in my bed and stay there forever. PGP.

The copier feeds off of toner and fear. PGP.

Signing the “get well” card for a coworker you’ve never met. PGP.

Responding with “Let’s not play pass the blame here, okay?” when someone asks you a simple question in a conference call. PGP.

Monday through Friday. PGP.