When did that fat roll get here? PGP.

The only text you get all day is from your FitBit telling you you’ve done zero minutes of physical activity today. PGP.

I’ve been asked if I’m “having fun yet” three times today by the same person. PGP.

The circular reasoning of, “I don’t go out because I don’t have any friends,” and, “I don’t have any friends because I don’t go out.” PGP.

Realizing the warm summer weather will have almost no impact on your daily life. PGP.

Turn down for what? Turned down for a raise, that’s what. PGP.

My friend got engaged last night. I went home and sent weird messages on Tinder. PGP.

“Well, looks like someone had fun last night.” PGP.

Pre-gaming a concert with a nap. PGP.

I had a six-pack in high school. Never thought I could have back fat. PGP.