Yesterday was my boss’s birthday and we ate at a Brazilian steakhouse on the company card. Today was my birthday and I ate a Wendy’s baconator alone in my car. PGP.

Getting all excited about a raise that can barely cover the price of one extra Subway Sandwich every two weeks. PGP.

I’m not in a dry spell. Just letting the market breathe. PGP.

I’d rather be the worst player on the PGA tour every week, than the best employee in my department. PGP.

Fantasizing more about sleep than sex. PGP.

The two pregnant women in the office are skinnier than me. PGP.

My boss introduced me by the wrong name on a conference call. PGP.

Not only living with your parents, but going to sleep before them. PGP.

Never being able to find the secret bathroom everyone talks about. PGP.