Mary Swanson

Both a bitter and optimistic 24-year-old entry-level underachiever with 2-4 friends and 0 talents. Washed up is an understatement. I prefer almost all my food luke-warm, what does that say about me?

Member Since 01/14/2014

Packing a lunch and then eating it alone in your car. PGP

Post Grad Problems

The Yellow King’s girlfriend complaining about not having sex in three weeks.

Post Grad Problems

Letting a $4 bottle of red wine “breathe” for 20 minutes before drinking. PGP.

Post Grad Problems

People Who Post Things On The Office Bulletin Board: A Character Analysis

“Last night I ordered a pizza by myself and ate it over the sink like a rat.”- Andy Bernard

Post Grad Problems

Realizing you may have peaked in college.

Post Grad Problems

“In 2000, I was duped by Y2K. I thought that the world was coming to an end,”

After watching and rewatching the first seven episodes of True Detective, I’m not certain of much in this ‘reality’ of ours. But if there’s one thing I know, besides that Rust here has has an absolutely breath taking hiney and Marty should NOT be pulling the girls he does, it’s that this is the best parody of True Detective to date.

The genius behind this is Jon Rudnitsky and, upon further research, has a variety of other great videos on the Tube, namely The Jewish Hunger Game: Kvetching Fire. I’m not sure I can get away with staring at my phone (uh, no of course I don’t have access to Youtube) for the rest of the day while I laugh obnoxiously, but I’m sure as shit going to try. Fuck it, it’s Friday.

How McConaughey’s Pre-Oscars Interview Went Down

Reuniting With A Friend Who Peaked In High School

Hand on mouse. Hand on keyboard. Back straight. Spreadsheet open. Eyes shut. PGP.

Post Grad Problems

All I have learned from Tinder is that a lot of ugly girls live by me

Post Grad Problems