When buying $20 worth of crap from my little cousin’s school fundraiser severely affects my plans for this weekend. PGP.

Pretty sure I will still know every word to “Men in Black” when I’m 70. PGP.

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, assuming I die by Monday. PGP.

Rookie mistakes. Veteran consequences. PGP.

Hours go by and nobody comes to my desk. As soon as I let out one fart, all of a sudden everyone in the office needs to come talk to me. PGP.

Guy from accounting thinks it’s hilarious to stare at me from the doorway until I ask him what he wants. All he says is “Hey buddy,” then walks off. Every time. PGP.

My girlfriend and I just moved in together and now she farts in front of me. PGP.

Just made a song set to the sound of our industrial copier. PGP.

The ratio of people to cake is too big. PGP.

Dreaming about retirement three years into the workforce. PGP.