My coworker just got engaged to someone she met on Tinder two months ago. PGP.

Shamelessly “nice work”ing all my comments. PGP.

Skipping happy hour to take your dog to the park. PGP.

My recent calls consist of a mayor, drug dealer, our HR rep, a state senator, and three Tinder girls. PGPM.

I found out my current job was posted on LinkedIn, so I applied for it. PGPM.

Sometimes I make my bed for the sole purpose of feeling like I have my life together. PGP.

Getting up early just to spend time doing nothing before work. PGP.

Constantly needing to get your ducks in a row. PGP.

38 minutes late to work today because I jacked off in the shower this morning. I didn’t even finish. PGP.