Pulled a muscle having drunk sex over the weekend, I told my coworkers it’s a tennis injury. PGP.

Feeling productive after clearing everyone’s story on Snapchat. PGP.

The one week on, one month off workout routine. PGP.

Knocking on the doorframe because the door is open. PGP.

My manager saw me wearing aviators and now everytime I call him he answers with, “Talk to me Goose.” PGP.

Never being able to find the secret bathroom everyone talks about. PGP.

These people have been shitting for 40 years and still manage to smear the back of the seat. PGP.

I’ve been asked if I’m “having fun yet” three times today by the same person. PGP.

FOMCC. Fear of making cold calls. PGP.

The circular reasoning of, “I don’t go out because I don’t have any friends,” and, “I don’t have any friends because I don’t go out.” PGP.