“So how long have you been driving with Uber?” PGP.

My password expired…I had to create a new password on my last day. PGP.

“Alexa, where did it all go wrong?””Sorry, I couldn’t find an answer to the question you were looking for.” PGP.

I work for a “work hard, play hard” company. PGP.

Just spent my morning creating fake meetings on my Outlook calendar for Friday so people can’t hijack it with their bullshit. PGP.

Had a dream I was at Chili’s. Woke up disappointed. PGP.

I can’t tell if the Michelob Ultra Weekend in Review is satire, but all my friends have recently started drinking it exclusively. PGP.

A few of my fraternity brothers came to stay with me for a drunk weekend. They brought Coke Zero as a mixer. PGP.

Realized at a high school grad party that I’m the drunk cousin. PGP.

Took up golfing as a hobby because pride is overrated. PGP.