My girlfriend gives me a four-hour drinking limit each time I go out. PGP.

I don’t poop at home so I have something to do at the office. PGP.

Snuck beer onto a public beach where alcohol is prohibited, just to feel young again. PGP.

Not sure what’s harder to find, an empty, odor-free bathroom at work or a single attractive girl over 25 without major problems. PGP.

I’m so bored, I just went to the bathroom for a change of scenery. PGP.

Sitting on a warm toilet at work is the same as finding out your buddy already tagged your one night stand. PGP.

It’s “Budget your time between MLB day games and fantasy football roster management” season. PGP.

Dedicating half my lunch break to napping under my desk just to stay awake for the rest of the day. PGP.

On their birthdays, everyone in the office gets a cake. I got two bowls of fruit because “We thought you were trying to watch your weight.” PGP.

Not telling your parents you got promoted because you’re scared they’ll stop giving you money. PGP.