The feeling of sheer joy when someone cancels plans. PGP.

38 minutes late to work today because I jacked off in the shower this morning. I didn’t even finish. PGP.

Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V. PGP.

“Let’s do lunch soon!” really just means “Let’s do lunch never.” PGP.

Can’t tell if I hate my life or just my job. PGP.

Debating if anyone will notice if I leave work six hours early. PGP.

All my friends are assholes, but I have no idea where you find new ones. PGP.

Making the wardrobe transformation from “business professional” to “homeless person” as soon as you get home. PGP.

Waiting for PGP to post new columns on Monday morning. PGP.

Not sure what’s harder to find, an empty, odor-free bathroom at work or a single attractive girl over 25 without major problems. PGP.