The fuck is a Shmoney Dance? PGP.

Nobody ever responds to my Snapchats. PGP.

My roommates walked in on me masturbating this morning. I live with my parents. PGP.

Your PGP submissions getting more action than you this summer. PGP.

Having a draft of your resignation ready in your email. PGP.

I can finally scratch “Get sued” off my bucket list. PGP.

Packing a lip, then immediately chasing it with whitening gum. PGP.

Spending more than I make in one paycheck being a bridesmaid in an in-town wedding. PGP.

My parents bought a bar. They still charge me for drinks. PGP.