My coworker just got engaged to someone she met on Tinder two months ago. PGP.

Shamelessly “nice work”ing all my comments. PGP.

My recent calls consist of a mayor, drug dealer, our HR rep, a state senator, and three Tinder girls. PGPM.

Not going to grad school because I just spent 17 fucking years in school. PGP.

The combined record of my college team, my pro team, and my two fantasy football teams: 1-12. PGP.

The only greater hell I can imagine than being here for over two years is being the type of person that is willing to stay for over two years. PGP.

My mom sent me vitamins. PGP.

My friends are all getting engaged. I’m still puking on street corners. PGP.

Sometimes I stay late when I have nothing to do after work. PGP.