Just gave my two weeks during my annual performance review. DOBBY IS A FREE ELF. PGP.

CEO just bought a private jet, which explains why I didn’t get a raise. PGP.

Performance review anxiety season. PGP.

I feel like my coworkers know when I take a dump. PGP.

Calling in sick to work results in me being hyper paranoid that everyone knows I lied. Can’t decide if its really worth it. PGP.

Mandatory webinar at 6 p.m. PGP.

I have a constant day dream of watching “The Big Lebowski” in my bathtub while eating a large pizza. PGP.

I actually have to wait for my boss to dismiss me for lunch. PGP.

Carrie Matheson is a pretty competent employee compared to you. PGP.

The fake half-smile/head nod combo you give people in the hallways. PGP.