I did the Tiger pump thinking the bathroom was empty. I was wrong. My nickname is now “Woods”. PGP.

Post grad one night stands not as convenient because they can’t walk home. PGP

I’m genuinely excited to see the new renovations they’re gonna do to the bridge I take on my commute. PGP.

Being CC’d on emails that have nothing to do with you

I don’t always take a shit at work, but when I do, I take at least half an hour. PGP.

My cubicle is basically just a cesspool of my own farts.

I’m at the weird age where my snapchat story feed consists of my older friends meals and my younger friends blacking out the night before. PGP

Girlfriend just said she felt sick. There goes my weekend. PGP

Someone flushed a toilet during a conference call.

The new guy just started singing along to Toto’s ‘Africa’. PGP.