Had sex for the first time in over a year. Got an STD. PGP.

Sitting at your desk envious of all the “Welcome Week” snaps. PGP.

When you finally have sex and you and her are on completely different pages

Taking the stairs because you’re trying to live healthier, then trying to hide how out of breath you are when you get into the office. PGP

That guy who asked questions at the end of a lecture will evolve into the guy who causes your meetings to run late.

Having to unbutton your pants before your drive home from work. PGP.

No receipt needed for $25 or less on expenses? Looks like I took a few more cabs than I actually did.

Lost too much weight and can’t afford a new wardrobe. PGP

Either join a gym or attend AA. Those are my options right now.

Honesty is only the best policy if you have a trust fund. PGP